Recently I watched '13 Reasons Why'. Obviously, it touched my heart and
made me think. Before watching it, I had decided what my 100th post would be
about and this just gave me reason enough. My earlier post was about love and
the one before that was about friendship and earlier I have written posts about self-love as well. So, here goes the 100th one about mental illness.
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Every time she felt like staying home, she took the decision not to.
Every time she decided to decline a party invite, she took the decision not
to.
Every time she thought of taking pills, she took the decision not to.
Every time she wanted to cry it out, she took a decision not to.
Every time she could've had a breakdown, she took a decision not to.
And because of every decision not to do it, every time she died a bit
inside.
But, what was her fault? What
was her fault that no one understood her? What was her fault that people made
fun of her for something she couldn't control? What was her fault that
everything just sucked? What was her fault that she had to go through it all
alone? What was her fault for any of it?
She might laugh around people
and crack existential jokes. That doesn't make her dark. That could be her way
of using humour to deal with depression.
She might not portray her
emotions all the time and might leave people in the middle of things. That
doesn't make her weird. That could be her way of dealing with social anxiety
disorder.
She might double check
everything and she might not stand a spelling mistake. That doesn't make her
rude. That could be her way of dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder.
She might not easily open up
to you or might not want to do adventurous things. That doesn't make her a loner.
That could be her way of dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder.
She might be a chatter box and
talk about everything. That doesn't make her a gossip. That could be her way of
using people as something to deal with her pain.
She might be erratic. She
might be selfish. She might be hard to comprehend. She might be a million
different things. But, how you treat her is what she is finally going to be.
You treat her kindly and she might get a reason to live. You treat her cruelly
and you might take away her reason to live.
At the end of the night, her pillow is wet and in the morning her eyes sore. In the middle of the crowd her heartbeats are racing and in front of a crowd, her voice is mute. On the body are some unexplained cuts and in the soul are some unexplained pieces. At work, she has a fake smile and at home she has real tears. But at every moment, there is a constant question at the back of her head, "Is it all even worth it?"
(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)
