A Family Unlike Any Other. (Diary Logs)

Hello Readers! Should I dare say, Happy Monday? Well, it is going to be a good week. We have a holiday on Wednesday & I’m going to Goa on Saturday!

Since there is not much progress with books or travel, here is a Diary Logs post for you!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

It was 5 PM on a Saturday. At any other home, this would probably mean people getting ready to go out to not miss out a Saturday night, which has gained supreme importance because of the corporate indulgence. But, that wasn't just any other home & certainly not any other family.

After the most amazing afternoon nap which lasted 3 hours, the daughter came out of her room & sat in the hall. She was always troubled by outside noises coming from the drilling machine & hammers. But, even with those noises in the background, she had a good nap, entirely refreshing! Father was already sitting in the hall reading a book titled 'Anna Karenina'. There was a different energy in the home that time of the day & soon it clicked her. Daughter asked, "Where's mom?" Father said, "How did you know she's not home?" She responded, "Just a feeling." Surprised but not too unfamiliar of that feeling, father said, "Your tea is in the kitchen. Mom will come back in 2 hours or so." Daughter shrugs her shoulders, heats her tea & joins father in the hall. It is unusually quiet in the house without mother. It's almost like the home knows that mother is not home. Daughter takes her book titled 'Norwegian Wood' & tea to sit by the window. Son comes home from his classes, joins daughter & father in the hall. He asks, "Where's mom?" Same surprising yet familiar feeling strikes again. He gets the same answer. He gets his tea & the book titled 'Homo Sapiens' & sits at the other side of the window.

That's the kind of home it was. People having nice afternoon naps, reading book & drinking tea later in an unusually quiet home at 5 PM on a Saturday. And, that was perhaps the most peaceful thing in the air that day. No television. No Instagram. No drilling sounds anymore. Just some voices of kids playing cricket on their phones instead of playing it in the streets. Increasing number of Swiggy drivers seen on the road as the time passed. The society’s chairman checking on the few plotted plants in the premises & keeping his conscious clean about climate change. Some couples heading out to party. Some older couples heading out to buy groceries. Some friends heading out to eat pani puri.

Soon, mother was home & at the sight of her family members she said, "I should go out more often if it means you all will be reading & staying away from your phones!" Soon the unusual silence was gone & it took place by a familial feeling of talks. Talks about son's classes. Talks about the incessant drilling noises by daughter. Talks of books by father. Talks about shopping deals by mother. And so it went on & on. Saturday nights meant staying in with the family & doing just about nothing.

Until next time,

But, Who Even Knew Her? (Diary Logs)

Hi Readers! How are you all doing? Great, I hope!! And if not, there’s always tomorrow for things to get better! Well, I have been reading ‘The Goldfinch’ continuously over the last few days & I am completely soaked in it. I am only halfway done & absolutely enjoying it. It was then that I realized it will take at least a week more for me to complete it & another couple of days to contemplate it, after which I will write the review. Just so the blog doesn’t remain dry till then, I thought of writing a Diary Logs post for y’all! It is completely random & fictional, as always! Go read!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They found her things in her desk drawers a month after they were sure she wasn’t coming back to work. The 2 people who sat next to her were going through her desk drawers. Another lady was going through her desktop. And, 2 to 3 more colleagues had gathered around to help out or gossip about her. In this search, what they found shocked them to their core.

On the desk were a few articles printed out since 4 or 5 months. All these were relating to Global Warming & Climate Change. Some contained the horrible things happening around, like the Amazon forest burning & coral reefs dying & trees being cut for road & metro construction. Some contained plain straight facts as to what will happen if we don’t control global warming. Water will become scarce. More animals will become extinct. And some articles contained what the common people can do to help. Unlike others in the room, she was the only one there who was so environmentally aware & actually did things to help reduce global warming.

But, who even knew her!?

In her drawer, they also found some contrasting BOOKS – How To Win Friends & Influence People, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck, The Alchemist & last month’s Lonely Planet magazine. She had these tiny coloured pages small enough to make a bookmark of them. The Alchemist was full of such little bookmarks. She had put those wherever she had loved a quote. Same was the case with the other two non-fiction books. In the Lonely Planet magazine, they found how much she loved TRAVEL. She had been planning a trip to Iceland. She noted all the places she wanted to go to, all the amazing restaurants & local tips as well. What was even more amazing was that she was going on a solo trip!

But, who even knew her!?

In her WORK DIARY, they found meticulous notes of her work. From daily plan to monthly & quarterly targets. She worked with 20 or more onsite clients & not once did she miss out on anything. Different meetings with all these clients, minutes of those meetings as well as action plan forward was written down to iota of details. She had all sorts of stationary items too. Post-It notes, markers, notepads, card holder, pins apart from the ordinary. She was organized to an extent one might think she had OCD.

But, who even knew her!?

Next shock was her computer. As expected, the desktop was clean & everything was organized in folders. They found one folder titled Important. Inside it, there were hundreds or more pdf files & each contained a CERTIFICATE OF APPRECIATION. And, that was just for the current financial year alone. She was damn good at her work!

But, who even knew her!?

She was kind to everyone, but no one was particularly her best friend. She believed that there are no real friends in the workplace, but somehow she was waiting for someone to come along & prove her wrong. Over the years, she had heard them talk about their weekend parties & international tours & farm house getaway stories while she pretended to listen to music on her headphones. She sat in that office for nearly 5 years. Logged in at 9 AM & logged out post 7 PM. Didn’t speak to anyone much, which is why people assumed she would be boring or depressed. But, in front of them lay all the proof of why she was the most interesting person in that room. From being a solo traveler to being a star performer at work. From having good taste in books to being an environment activist. She was simply amazing. And yet, after her disappearance, it took them a month to notice. The company which promoted its Diversity & Inclusion policies, had subtly & simply excluded this one talented person. In a culture where people are known for their unity, she was always left in her unwelcome solitude. No one really knew her.

Until next time,

You're Not Alone. (Diary Logs)

Hi All! This is an important post about mental health written by someone who wants to stay anonymous. Read it. Spread the word. People need to help people. Let's talk & show some love.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have been thinking about writing this post since some time now. I just didn’t have the right words. And, when you’re writing about something like this, you need the right words. The kind words. The empathetic & healing words. The words which will make others feel connected & more so help them feel a little better, even if it is for 2 minutes. Here I am, for those 2 minutes of feeling human. Not Happy. Not Sad. But, also not alone.

Whenever I think about mental illness, I always find myself off balance. I have anxiety. I have OCD. I have PTSD. I am stressed & sometimes I even suffer from depression. But I am all these things just on borderline. I know that it isn’t critical. I am aware of that. And all this time, because of this reason, I refrained from posting this article. But, when it comes to mental illness, there isn’t a thing as less or more. Instability is instability. Weakness is weakness. And so, I had to write this, because there could be many of you out there who dismiss your own borderline anxiety to care for someone who is critically depressed.

Here I am. I cared for people who had PTSD, who belittled my PTSD to theirs. They belittled my depression to theirs. They belittled my anxiety to theirs. And, at the time, I thought okay, you are suffering much more than I am. You have the right to say that. But, now that I think about it, that was wrong of them to do. Them having suffered more than me should have made them more empathetic to me rather than dismissing my situation. And so, I walked away from them. It’s been a while now & it has taken some time for me to realise this, but it needed to be said.

No matter what you are suffering from, no matter how infinitesimal, no matter how unimportant it may seem to you, please do not dismiss yourself. Please consider your mental health as a priority. No one else knows your mind the way you do. So, take care of it. Stabilise it. Nurture it.

You might keep counting the number of people in the room. It could be at home when the people are constant or could be at work where people keep coming in & going out.

"Is he really not going to use a coaster for that Iced Coffee on his own work desk?"

"Is she really going to eat her food with her hands and then use the same hands to open the bottle of water leaving oily marks all over it?"

Do not dismiss the OCD.

You might get tensed up before meeting your friends even if it’s just a hangout. You might get nervous every single day before a daily work call.

"Why I did I think of hosting a dinner party for 15 people?"

"What if they don’t like the 15 types of food I made keeping in mind all of their likes?"

Do not dismiss the anxiety.

You still could get up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare from something that happened years ago. One tiny incident can take you back to your trauma.

"Why am I not able to get over it already?"

"Why does my past keep cropping up again & again?"

Do not dismiss the PTSD.

Please. Please. Please. If you ask such little questions to yourself a lot during the day, please do not think that you are alone. There could be someone out there who could help you. If you cannot help yourself just yet, seek help from a professional who will make you help yourself soon. Do not dismiss these things which may seem like nothing in the moment. But, when years go by piling up the little questions, it will erupt like a volcano. So, please, the right person is just a call away. Do not dismiss the little things. The little things are more often than not symptoms of mental instability.

Make yourself a priority. Make your physical & mental health of utmost important. Cancel plans that give you a lot of anxiety. Tell the untidy person why the things they do bother you & till what extent. Speak up. Be bold. Reach out. You are not alone.

Until next time,

Dread of Life. (Guest Post)

Hello Readers! Happy June! How are we already here? Always amazed at how every day looks small, but when I look back, I've already come all this way.

So, today I am here with a guest post, written by Sameer Joshi. He is a writer, poet, traveler & friend. He is a person like any of you all, with a lot of wonder about how the world works. You’ll know when you read the post & I'm sure you will find a relation somewhere.

Also, the below photo is clicked by his brother, Vishal Joshi, who is an incredible photographer! I'm lucky to have this duo of talented brothers on my blog!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being on the edge of extroversion as well as introversion consistently has left me baffled as to which side I belong to. Is it a choice I need to make? It's as if I am just standing on the ledge. It feels like I have spent all my life confused whether to step down the ledge or jump off it.

What kind of life is that?

I have been in many groups. Then it went down to a few groups. Soon it was one group. And, today, here I stand, one person. Few betrayals from friends. Some ignorance from others. A backup for many of the remaining. A frenemy here and a back-stabber there. I have gone through so many faces; real, fake, superficial, pitying, smirky, wicked. And, after hoping for every face to be kind, here I am, finally without any hope left to give.

What kind of life is that?

Even after such sufferings, when I’m left alone, I crave to be a part of a group. But, as soon as I see their true colors, I crave to be apart from that group. Is it always my fault or am I judging myself too much? Would you judge me too much after what I have been through? Or is it that I only like the feeling of being in a group but not actually being in one? Is the feeling enough to continue to live as an extroverted introvert?

What kind of life is that?

Gary Vaynerchuk, who has made entrepreneurship cool, quoted, “You’re not lost in life, you are just early in the process.” If that’s true, why do I constantly feel like I am running away from life? I can’t see the process. I can just see one day and going through it again and again and again until I meet my fate. What’s the point in living if we are going to die one day? Some say that you should live everyday like it is your last day. While some claim that we should be patient and live life in the long term. Whose advice should you take? With whom do you share such thoughts that kill you piece by piece every day? Your peers are busy being someone else’s slave. Your parents won’t understand your entire generation. Your juniors are as clueless as you are. How do you find a mentor? Whom do you trust? What could you precisely do to make your life better? How do you choose when there is loss & hurt in every possible path?

What kind of life is that?

Solitude or Camaraderie?

Alone or Lonely?

Isolation or Community?

Everybody’s Extrovert or Nobody’s Introvert?

Until next time,

Broken Houses, But Not Broken Homes. (Diary Logs #20)

Hello Readers! How are you all doing? Already relieved tomorrow is Friday? Already on a long weekend? Or just thinking about how many hours you are going to sleep during the weekend? All sounds good to me!

Here I am, with a Diary Logs post after a while. The thing with these kind of posts is that they are mostly real with a bit of added fiction. And, nothing real usually happens to get me into my over-thinking zone. But, here I am, finally, so read on!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

The other day I woke up as usual & got ready to go to the office. It was an unusually hot summer day. It felt unbearable to step out of the house. But, of course, I had to. Work doesn't stop, be it scorching heat or heavy rains. I decided not to take my two-wheeler to work & instead took a rickshaw. The rickshaw driver took a different route than my usual one, but I was already too tired from the sun to tell him otherwise. All the routes were familiar to me, anyway.

He took a left turn from my street & we went to a lane which is always full of traffic. I was shocked to look at the state of that road. On both sides of the road, there was destruction. Total chaos. All the little houses, shops & other establishments were torn down. Some completely. Some partly. On some houses, there were no walls. On some, there weren’t any windows or doors. On some, the living room was gone. And then there was one, where you could see directly inside the house. It was on the first floor. Everything on the ground floor was torn down badly. And the visuals upstairs were evident. Green-coloured walls in the living room. A partly broken screen of a 24-inch television. A single wooden cabinet with a lot of belongings from clothes to utensils to documents. A broken house.

Of course, all this was for road widening & I’m pretty sure most of these constructions were illegal. But, they contained real families. Even if it was an illegal house, it was a real home with real people. I thought how the scenario at that home might have been just last week?

The husband must probably be a labourer returning home after a day’s hard work. Or he might have a sales job, selling anything from toys to socks to mobile back covers outside the railway station or outside parks. Or he could be working at a decent enough job & could be earning black money.

Who knows? But, the point is he was in his home just last week, maybe even happy.

The wife is probably was a stay-at-home mother focusing on raising & educating her kids so that their children might have a better livelihood. Or she could be working as a maid; sweeping floors, cleaning toilets, washing clothes & utensils. Or she might have a job as a low-key chef. Or she could be working as a teacher in a Municipality school.

Who knows? But, the point is she was in her home just last week, maybe even happy.

Maybe just last week, they might have had a pleasant evening. An evening where the husband, his wife & their kids were all sitting in the now-torn-apart living room with green-coloured walls, having a discussion over tea & a cricket match playing on the now-partly-broken screen of the TV in the background. Maybe they were even happy, despite circumstances. Maybe they knew it will be the last time they will be happy in that little house which was a home to them. Broken Houses, but not Broken Homes.

Until next time,

Gem of a Person. (Diary Logs #19)

Hi Readers! I thought of writing a diary log kind of a post. The story just came to me one day influenced from a lot of stuff that's been going on around me. So, this is inspired from a lot of women & I hope I did justice to all these beautiful ladies in my life!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fridays were always brimming with work for her. Attending weekly calls, sending dashboards, maximizing her targets & setting new targets for the next week and what not. Your usual legal-corporate life. She loved the work & was always happy when she was challenged. After a tough day at work, when she was about to leave for home, around 8 PM, she realized that she had a date that night. She had completely forgotten about it because she was swamped at work. She texted the guy just to check if it was still on & yes, of course, it was.

She went to freshen up. She was wearing a casual t-shirt which said 'Nope' surrounded by some flowers & blue denim jeans. She had her chic Friday look which was definitely not a first date look. She put on some makeup, looked in the mirror, let out a sigh of relief accepting defeat & finally left for the date.

It was 4 days since that day. She had a lot of fun on that evening. She rarely enjoyed so much with someone right on the first date. She knew she was funny, witty & she took an interest in him. He seemed to have had a nice time too. And yet, stone cold silence. She hated that. That feeling reminded her of all her insecurities, closure issues & low self esteem. She discussed with her colleagues & they told her she was too good for him. They said that she should forget the whole thing especially since it was just one date. Just like that, she felt better. But still, at the back of the mind, the thought was alive & waiting for answers.

A week went by & it was Friday again. She was already over him but she still needed her answers. Why would a guy not call her especially when the date went so amazingly well? Her curiosity got the better of her & she texted him. Not a hi. But a very clear cut message, very lawyerly. She texted him, “I know this isn't going anywhere but the least you could do is give me an explanation. I only want to know why didn’t you text or call? Feel free to be honest or even rude.” After sending that message, she felt a weight lift off of her. She imagined of 2 responses, either he will reply or he won’t. And, now that she had said her piece, she was fine with either of those options.

After her usual Friday weekend closures, she was about to leave when she checked her phone. She realized he had messaged 3-4 long paragraphs. The gist of which was basically, 'It's not you. It's me.' He said how she was too good for him (which she already knew, but whatever.) He said how he couldn't hurt her in case they kept dating & something went wrong. He said how she should stay the way she is & how she was such a gem of a person. She got her answer & she simply texted a 'Thanks for letting me know' & that was it.

This Friday was leaps and bounds different than the last Friday. Today, she was dressed up. Not for a date, but for herself. She wore a black dress with red heels that matched her red lips. Her eyes were a bit sad but that was about to change.

She sat on her activa & was on her way to her usual bar. She had her headphones tucked inside the helmet & there was a nice loud song playing. She decided to enjoy it. She was on the highway riding with speed, while doing head tilts, stomping her feet lightly & her fingers playfully dancing. She let the air fly her dress a little bit up which made her flaunt her legs.

Somehow those couple of inches tasted like freedom just like those couple of extra shots tasted like freedom & all of a sudden she was in a good mood. She was happy, even. She was the woman who half-danced on her active & sung lyrics to songs loud enough while not caring what anyone thought.

She looked such a lady and yet she drove like a badass. She took tequilla shots without ever throwing up or losing conscience. She over-performed at her work & yet was kind & supportive to her subordinates. She was the kind of woman who did catch feelings for a guy on their first date, because that's how she was wired. She wore her heart on her sleeve. She did suffer a lot of pain because of it, but oh, the joy she gained because of it! There wasn't anyone like her, she knew. She didn't need anyone else to tell her how much gem of a person she already knew she was.

Until next time,

Of Loneliness & Independence. (Diary Logs #18)

Hi Readers!! Hope you are having a great weekend! I mean, that World Cup final blew my mind!!

So, here I am, writing about something that's totally opposite of team spirit & often touched upon topic of my writing! 

Why don't you go ahead & read it!?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Source

She sat in the balcony of her small apartment on a Saturday evening with tea in her hand & a rather plain view from the 2nd floor. She had an array of options before her. She could read a book which she had been attempting to finish for 7 months. She could binge watch some hyped Netflix show & pretend to understand the sci-fi aspects in it. She could browse Pinterest & Instagram only to watch travel photos from Netherlands, photos captioned #FriendshipGoals or another celebrity breakup. She could browse social media & catch up on who's who of people she doesn't really care about. So, where were the people she cared about? Did these people even exist? She might care about a million, but she was sure no one cared about her. Just as sure as she was that there was no truth behind those #FriendshipGoals photos because nothing really lasts, does it? People come, people go. There were more ex-people in her life than now-people. That is the way of life. At any stage, they are never friends; they are contract friends dressed up as classmates, flatmates, cousins or colleagues. Once that phase is done, so is the relationship & so are the "goals". She sat there with her thoughts. She could think about how different it was a few months earlier, or even a few weeks earlier. You get a degree, you get a job, you move out of your parents' home to a new city. You get what you always wanted. She was independent, and yet she was lonely in those hours of a Saturday night even with a lot of options in front of her.

          She thought about the time she could call up her best friend & she would just know that the call would go on for hours. And today was the day when she was so sure that they won't even meet again, let alone have those heartfelt conversations. No matter how strong their friendship goals were, they ended as college ended.

          She thought about all her colleagues at the place she interned before. That was the time when they didn't miss even a single Friday night to go out partying. Now that, she got another job, they still go, without fail. Also, without giving a second thought to invite her. No matter how much fun those Fridays with colleagues were, they ended as her internship ended.

          She thought about the times when she was inseparable from her cousin brothers. Every time she was angry at her parents, she knew she could just go over at her cousin's place & they would make her laugh until she forgot why she was angry. But then, they grew up, got jobs & moved to US. No matter how strong their bond was, it ended as their childhood ended.

She grew up knowing that people are temporary. People come, people go. Maybe that's why she never fought hard to make someone stay in her life. She was one woman standing & she enjoyed the view with no one in sight. At that moment, she had become so strong that nothing would make her cry & nothing would take her guard down. She had to be a warrior, all the time, with no breaks.

Until next time,

Are You Scared of Being Left Alone with Your Thoughts? (Diary Logs #17)

Hello Readers! Hope you liked the love story I wrote last week. I am in the process of writing another one. But, that one's going to take some time. So, stay tuned for the big one!

This is another diary logs kind of a post inspired by reality of feelings. So, for a change, it's not fiction. Keeping it real. Hope it changes your outlook & makes you think.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

          This weekend I went on a trip to Lonavla with my family. My aunt has a family friend who has a bungalow there. No words can describe how amazing & perfect that bungalow is. We were 7 of us there. The place has a lot of things to keep everyone entertained. It has a huge hall with 3 big bedrooms. All the interiors are so well picked out that everything looks fancy while also has a touch of vintage with modern architecture. There's an amazing sit-out place like a balcony. We can see an amazing view from there. It's always cold & to our luck also foggy which creates perfect atmosphere. The basement is converted to a gaming arena with Table Tennis, Carom & board games. There's also a small terrace above from where the view is better than that at any other place in Lonavla.

There's a care-taker who is also the chef so there's nothing that we need to do, but relax. Sounds peaceful, doesn't it? The only thing is that there is barely any cell reception up there. And there's no wi-fi. So, you can do everything & anything which doesn't involve browsing through your mobile or laptop.

In the deadly silence of this beautiful place, if you go alone, what will you do?

How long will you be able to ponder over the wonder of the nature, mountains & the superb weather?

How long will you read or cook or do gardening or photography?

It will all last only until you finally come face to face with yourself with no more escape routes left. What will you do then? Will you be ready to face your fears? Will you be ready to give a thought to your thoughts?

After a certain amount of time, they will keep cropping up. Your mind will ask you why are you living the way you do. Your body will ask you why you treat it the way you do. Your past will crawl to remind you of your regrets & bad choices. Your future will give you nothing but one big question mark. Your anxiety will ask you if it's a good time to strike again. Your hands will go to the phone to check for any messages, but there won't be any. Your heart will ask you if you feel it even exists. You will be left alone with nothing but your thoughts. The question is will you be scared of being left alone with your thoughts? And if the answer is yes, you know that you need to face that fear. 

"Let's toughen up & face our fears.

Let's stop with the many escape mechanisms we use every day, every minute! 

Let's not be afraid of being left alone with our thoughts. 

Instead, let those thoughts come to sort everything out. And also maybe, to inspire!"

Until next time,

How My Asocial Ass Enjoyed Company of EIGHT Work People! (Diary Logs #16)

Hello Readers! This is somewhat of a 'Dear Diary' real-life moment. (Not real-fictional, for a change!)

Here we go..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I have almost 90 % of the times regretted putting my personal life on the blog. Because in all those 90 % instances I wrote about people who didn't deserve it & who I don't even talk to anymore. Even so, here I am; opening up. Because, apart from the trust issues or commitment issues, these people feel more real, even when I know little about them than I did about those 90 %. I suppose that's how it works, huh?

So, I went for dinner with some (many) colleagues. It all started because I was frustrated out of my mind during the week (most likely because of work.) And then, I talked to Kunal & Mindy that we really need to meet Vaishali, Pranali & Parul who sit out of a different location. We all worked together earlier, but then got separated due to travelling issues. I instantly pinged Vaishali & the plan was chalked. We lucked out, because instead of just meeting these 3 people, we became a whole group of 10 people! 6 of us, our former boss & 3 guys who used to work with us.

We decided on dinner in Powai. Of course, 2 hours prioir, my anxiety kicked in. I had to go on a ride to dial it down. Then, I felt okay. I went to the place. I met Avinash & Hari first; both as witty & funny as always. Both of whom I hadn't seen in a long time! Then came blonde-haired Rajat, with his 'IDGAF about anyone' charm in place. Soon, Pranali & Parul came. I missed being Parul's one-month desk partner.  Even though we talk on a daily basis, we hadn't met in a month. Usually conversations with Pranali go like-

"So & so question"

"So & so answer."

"Thanks"

"No problem."

I think we do this at least twice a day!

Then came Kunal, who also brought with him his so-called humour. Soon, Vaishali & Priyanka came in, looking amazing as always. I just got this flashback of our long lunch breaks where we used to just go in fits of laughter. I felt so good seeing all of them today! I wish Mindy was also there.

I am not so much of a talker, but that didn't really matter. Everyone talked, shared laughs & had fun. Neither did we like the food, nor the restaurant for its service. It wasn't even in central Hiranandani, Powai. It wasn't an ideal or a perfect meetup, but it was something. While returning home, I didn't feel like Saturday was wasted or I'd have rather stayed home. Instead, I was actually happy.

We were just a bunch of people who work(ed) together, half of us enjoy what we do, half of us probably don't. But, just in those few hours, all of that didn't matter, because we were all just happy. :)

Be happy. Until then,

You Still Have Time. (Diary Logs #15)

Hello Readers! This post is one of those posts which just came to me while walking on the metro station. It may sound bizarre and random because it is.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Source

I was walking home one day last week by my usual route. It had been one of those hectic days involving a lot of stress. I think I left office at around 9:30 PM and with me, I took a lot of wavering thoughts. I was worried about work & reviews as it was March end. I wanted to fly to another state to see my best friend & wasn't sure how it will work out at home. I was getting these migraine attacks a lot of the time. So basically, my day started & ended with a headache. While I was lost in all these troubles, I saw a particular advertisement at the metro station. There are a lot of advertisements that were up along the way. There are usually some Bank hoardings or about some new movie or the latest Netflix sensation. That day I saw a board on which was written, "You still have time." It must have probably been an insurance ad or something. But, only those 4 words caught my attention.

And then, I got lost in another trail of thoughts. It was March end, but I still had time to prove myself. A couple of weeks can sure make a difference if I'm positive. And yes, I can get a permission from my parents to visit my best friend. I'm an adult now and can take care of myself sensibly. And yes, there's nothing much I can do about migraines, but I can try to eat healthy and stuff. I can write more, read more, live more. I can do what ever I want to do.

I still have time.

Just a couple of days went and I have done so much more. And that feels purely amazing!

Those 4 words inspired me so much, that I have already started writing again. I started & finished reading a new book - 'Simon Vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda'. I also write a review on it! I did get permission from my parents & I'm going to see my best friend next month! (We are literally counting down the days!) I cut off my hair and made it really short. I had always wanted to do that, but this time, I just did it! It was so simple. With this look, I finally feel like I'm the female lead in my own movie. I feel good & positive. I'm doing better at achieving my daily and weekly targets. For the first time ever since I started working, I had a pleasant Monday.

I still have time,

Patterns... Hobbies... Routines... (Diary Logs #14)

Hello Readers! Hope you all are fabulous & enjoying life!

Here's something that I have been thinking about for quite some time.

Let me know what are your thoughts!









--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you ever wonder about patterns? Hobbies? Routines? Somehow some ideas come to us in the middle of nowhere. You are walking on the metro station surrounded by a crowd and then you wonder how you've gotten used to loneliness like it's just a part of your routine. Or how while driving your car on a highway, you think about how all the vehicles move in different lanes at their own speed to form a beautiful synchronised pattern.

You can get attached to a person who is not your family or friend. They may be someone new for you and you may like them. You may like them so much that you may ignore their flaws. And soon enough, these flaws become your hobbies. Their flaw of being an addict may change you into one too. And while you focus on liking them more, you ignore not liking yourself. And there a pattern forms. You are an addict, not just to alcohol or cigarettes, but also to this person who is not good for you. And until the fact of that toxic pattern doesn't sink in, it continues to grow. It either ends obliterating everything or it ends with you.

And while, you can form a pattern in the wrong direction, it is also sometimes possible in the right direction. Like, you get up on a Monday and sulk about going to work. And then you are beyond happy when it's a Friday. That's more or less a routine pattern which most of us follow. One day we're commuting on the railway station and it feels like how it is shown in movies. You are at a standstill slow motion while everyone else around you is walking and running in a fast motion. That feeling of loneliness strikes you and you find it so familiar that you welcome it home. You think of all those strangers walking around you and wonder what goes on in their head. Are they mindlessly swirling around or are they aware of their conscious? Are they enjoying this weird loneliness like I am or are they suffering because it? How funny it is that the same thing can be enjoyable for one and depressing for the other?

And yet, here we are.. I am watching FRIENDS, while eating pizza, with a sinking feeling that it's Monday day after tomorrow while also being satisfied while I write something on the same theme which I often do. Combining all these weekend hobbies & routines, I have got a pattern which has become more of a lifestyle. So, I suppose it's important what you allow becoming a part of your pattern because it will eventually determine your lifestyle...

Until next time,