Just You. (Monday Moments #93)

          It is because of those sudden moments that either leave you surprised or shocked. Those surpirses when your friends show up at your home at 12 AM because it's your birthday. Or those surprises when your boyfriend shows up at the foot of your building at 3 AM just because he wants to see you. Or those surprises when your family is home for the weekend without any prior notice. Or those surprises when your cousins stay over at your place just to have fun and catch up. Or those surprises when your best friend takes you for an adventure in the mountains on a whim. Or those surprises when your boyfriend plans the perfect way to propose, just the way it is in your favourite novel. Or those other thousands of surprises that your close people give you just to make you feel special.

         And then, you get a surprise from all of them, together, like a shock disguised in surprise, when none of them is there for you when you need them. That's when you realise your friends show up at 12 AM because it is kind of their job to do so. That's when you realise that your boyfriend wants to see you at 3 AM just to tell himself that he cannot do any better than you. That's when you realise that your parents are there because now they need you. That's when you realise your cousins got kicked out of their homes and just needed a shelter. That's when you realise that adventure in the hills was really just what your best friend needed to make her feel sane again. That's when you realise that the proposal was that way because it was his favourite movie adaptation. That's the thing about surprises; they are a shock in disguise.

          You think people love you and care for you. But, at the end of the day, all that's left is you. Because apart from those thousands of surprises, there are millions of shocks. There are millions of moments when you fall apart alone, in the four walls of your lonely house and realise that surprises are just as crap as fantasies. And that people are not kind; they are selfish. That there is always a hidden motive to every surprise. And that, at the end of it all, all these people are just a part of your life; not your entire life. At the end of it all, it's going to be just you.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Traumatised. (Monday Moments #92)

          She woke up screaming and shouting, only to realise that she had the same nightmare again. It was the same thing again and again and again. Even though it had been 7 months since she survived the airplane crash, it wasn't easy. It could never be easy for her. Being the sole survivor, comes with the survivor's guilt, no matter whether right or wrong. She tried to calm herself down for the next 10 minutes. She glanced at the poster that hung in front of her bed that read, "Everything is going to be okay." She kept saying those words back to herself until they sunk in. She stood up and checked that all doors were locked and windows closed. She went to the hall and she saw that the arrangements on the coffee table were different. Did she change those and couldn't remember? Or someone else was in her home? Or was she sleep-walking again? At that instant, she heard her maid come in and she was aghast by her rapid entrance in the room. Only a while later did she realise that she had been yelling with her eyes closed and hands over her head and sitting in the middle of the room crying. Her maid helped her and tried to relax her with some anti-depressants. She kept saying those words back to herself;

"Everything is going to be okay...

Everything is going to be okay...

Everything is going to be okay..."

          She got through the day somehow; crying, vanishing, surviving, living. At some moments, she felt like she had nothing left in her life because all the people close to her had died. At some moments, she felt like she should've died too because living this life felt meaningless. At some moments, she wanted to get her wings back because the wanderlust girl was trapped in the walls of her own frail body and anxious mind and empty soul. At some moments, she just wanted to go back in time and cancel the airplane tickets and go to her destination wedding by train with all her relatives and her fiancé. At some moments, she wanted to sneak to heaven to say goodbye to them all while at sometimes she just wanted to rot in hell. But, at all moments during her life, she felt like she was disappearing. Disappearing from the face of earth. Disappearing from everyone's lives. Disappearing from her own self. Just, lost.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Weekly Inspiration. (Monday Moments #91)

         While she worked the entire week, she also taught on weekends. Her life wasn't a walk in the park. She was the kind of woman who was a workaholic and loved to keep herself busy. She was a sucker for knowledge and dedicated to reading. Even if she was career-driven and hardcore, sometimes she had her own struggles. This was why she taught classes on weekends. In most of her classes, she had students who came just for attendance or to get notes for exams. But, in one class, she had this one girl student. She knew that that girl loved her. She knew that she had the potential to go very far. She knew that she would turn out just like herself. She saw herself in her. And whenever she had an existential crises, she would think of that one student. And somehow, it kept her going. She had a class that day, she was explaining her drowsy students how it is out there. She was agitated with the kind of presentations they gave. So, she had to make them understand.

          "In this college, you are protected by us, we cover up for your mistakes. But, once you go out there, there's no scope for mistakes in the corporate world. You people have access to all resources and instead you waste your time on social media. You waste your time sleeping for 8 hours. You only need 4 hours. I do that. And that's how I get more time. Time to read. Time to do research. Time to teach! Understand what your USP is. What's your x-factor? What's the thing that sets you apart from any other person? And once you know what it is, unleash it."

          And then she looked at her favourite student. The sparkle that she had in her eyes and the determination which celebrated on her face gave her the inspiration to keep going. Somehow, while inspiring her, she got herself inspired. That's the thing about being a teacher. You don't look at 99 indifferent students. You invest in 1 sincere student. These weekly classes gave her a hope about the future; only because of one student. She felt like herself whenever she saw herself in that girl. And that became their both’s weekly inspiration.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Keep Going. (Monday Moments #90)

          She was a blogger. Her blog wasn't like most other fabulous blogs which are about fashion or food or lifestyle. She was a writer. She wrote short stories and she enjoyed writing them. Be it about new found love or cold wars between friends or a heartbroken state. She could paint a picture that her readers could imagine in their minds. She made her women characters intelligent and brave. She made her male characters caring and understanding. She often weaved a story which was inspired by her own life, people in it and similar circumstances but with a dramatic note to make it readable. Because, no one wants to read about friends who are having a cold war, instead they love politics in the friends circle. Because, no one wants to read about the couple who are in an almost relationship since a year, instead they want a happy couple with silly fights and probably a tragic ending. Because, no one wants to read about almost somethings, but something whole. So, that's why she changed the 'almost somethings' in her own life into a 'whole something' in her story.

          She had been blogging since 2 years. And now with her new job which took a lot of time and energy, she had been devoted less to writing. She knew it sucked. But, if she didn't write, life would get sucked out of her. So, that day, in order to continue her series, she wrote something bizarre, something totally random. Anyway, normalcy seemed too cliche and it was not her style. Her genre was weird, exactly like her. And just like that, words flew, words typed, story created and soul satisfied. There were a million things she could write about, but instead, for once, she wrote her own almost-story which ended up being whole because of her readers.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)