"What a crappy year it has been! For the past 22 years, every year flew with its extreme amounts of normalcy. No adventures and no thrills. But those routine years somehow feel better than the roller coaster that 2016 was. I remember thinking at the end of last year how 2016 would be my year but at that time I had really solid reasons for believing so. And all those expectations lead nowhere. They were just fantasized high hopes that I had in my head. It was a time when I was optimistic. Usually, in a wide span of 366 days, it's not entirely possible for all these days to go horrible. But, according to my little list of all the misfortunes in 2016, it turns out that it is quite easily possible. Apart from 2 days (my birthday and the day I took a solo trip), all other days sucked.
2016, for me, summed up
includes a horrible trip, rough patches at college, a few bad choices of jobs,
couple of accidents, health issues, restrictions from family, more downs than
ups in love life and lastly losing temporary people but also close friends. The
result of all of this was me becoming a pessimist, starting to use humor as a
defense mechanism, increased social anxiety, multiple escape mechanisms,
excessive drinking, loneliness and the huge load of trust issues. It was the
year I changed from a robot to a human. And what good it did me? I'm a living
mess of emotional crap waiting for a call/message while eating unhealthy things
as I sit on the couch because of my fractured leg whilst I contemplate how
useless 2016 was.
After such a drastic year, I
know how I have changed. I'm smart enough to understand the changing things.
Firstly, I have become pessimistic. And I don't think it's a bad thing. It's
necessary to consider all the negative things. And to be honest, there's
maximum negativity around. So being a pessimist actually works. Hopes and
expectations should remain locked in the dungeons while practicality takes root.
Then, I have many trust issues. Yes, I have become that rude person again who
says to people's faces that I don't trust them. But, this icy exterior is
essential to protect the mellow interior. This year was literally the year of
losing people. It is not even about understanding the real ones because the
real ones have also changed over time. People I met 1/2 years ago have become
closer than the people I knew since 10 to 15 years. I love them. I just don't
like them anymore. And I think it's just not worth it. Time spent with them
isn't fun anymore and it passes by slower than in a lecture. So, yeah, because
of my own choice, I have left them. I have just a few friends now; the ones I
can count on the fingers of one hand.
I don't have any expectations
or resolutions for the new year. 2017 can suck as much as 2016 or more or it
cannot. It really won't matter because I'll be better at facing life. I'll know
better than to trust people. I'll know better than to get attached. I'll know
better than to gossip. I'll know better. In a way, all the hardships that 2016
has created, it has made me think clearly. Now, my only goal is to concentrate
on my career, study hard, read as much as I can, keep family happy, give time
to true friends, forget about stupid love life and concentrate on myself. It
sounds cliché because it is. Everyone has to go through something tragic in
order to become a person with such goals. So, yeah, I'm just a cliché until
I'll be not. Till then, hang in there."
-Last Page of
2016.
(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or
a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description
to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)
Amazing blog and very interesting stuff you got here! I definitely learned a lot from reading through some of your earlier posts as well and decided to drop a comment on this one!
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