Are You Scared of Being Left Alone with Your Thoughts? (Diary Logs #17)

Hello Readers! Hope you liked the love story I wrote last week. I am in the process of writing another one. But, that one's going to take some time. So, stay tuned for the big one!

This is another diary logs kind of a post inspired by reality of feelings. So, for a change, it's not fiction. Keeping it real. Hope it changes your outlook & makes you think.

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Dear Diary,

          This weekend I went on a trip to Lonavla with my family. My aunt has a family friend who has a bungalow there. No words can describe how amazing & perfect that bungalow is. We were 7 of us there. The place has a lot of things to keep everyone entertained. It has a huge hall with 3 big bedrooms. All the interiors are so well picked out that everything looks fancy while also has a touch of vintage with modern architecture. There's an amazing sit-out place like a balcony. We can see an amazing view from there. It's always cold & to our luck also foggy which creates perfect atmosphere. The basement is converted to a gaming arena with Table Tennis, Carom & board games. There's also a small terrace above from where the view is better than that at any other place in Lonavla.

There's a care-taker who is also the chef so there's nothing that we need to do, but relax. Sounds peaceful, doesn't it? The only thing is that there is barely any cell reception up there. And there's no wi-fi. So, you can do everything & anything which doesn't involve browsing through your mobile or laptop.

In the deadly silence of this beautiful place, if you go alone, what will you do?

How long will you be able to ponder over the wonder of the nature, mountains & the superb weather?

How long will you read or cook or do gardening or photography?

It will all last only until you finally come face to face with yourself with no more escape routes left. What will you do then? Will you be ready to face your fears? Will you be ready to give a thought to your thoughts?

After a certain amount of time, they will keep cropping up. Your mind will ask you why are you living the way you do. Your body will ask you why you treat it the way you do. Your past will crawl to remind you of your regrets & bad choices. Your future will give you nothing but one big question mark. Your anxiety will ask you if it's a good time to strike again. Your hands will go to the phone to check for any messages, but there won't be any. Your heart will ask you if you feel it even exists. You will be left alone with nothing but your thoughts. The question is will you be scared of being left alone with your thoughts? And if the answer is yes, you know that you need to face that fear. 

"Let's toughen up & face our fears.

Let's stop with the many escape mechanisms we use every day, every minute! 

Let's not be afraid of being left alone with our thoughts. 

Instead, let those thoughts come to sort everything out. And also maybe, to inspire!"

Until next time,

The First Date. (Short Story)

Hello Readers! This is the story of a unique first date. I hope at least some of you have experienced & those who haven't, I hope you do too! Let me know what you think!
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Dear Diary,

          I met someone today. I know what you are going to say, "Not this again." But, yes, this again! Meeting someone new, getting to know them better than they know themselves, falling in love with them because of the silliest reasons and then winding up with a heartbreak sooner or later, again because of the silliest reasons and the vicious dating cycle continues. Nevertheless, like every time, I'll say, "I think he's THE ONE." You'll silently roll your eyes at me because this is like the 12^th THE ONE. I'll pretend to not notice when deep down even I know what I'm doing is worthless. But, at least I’ve still got this magical feeling called HOPE.

          So, about this guy & about today! I have known him since the past couple of months, but only today did we actually talk. He's the librarian at the usual City Library I visit every week. We used to exchange “hi, reissue or new issue and thanks, bye” to each other every week. But, we got to talking today & it turns out, we have a lot in common. He knows my taste in books & so when he asked me out on a date, he did so by quoting one of the characters from the book I had recently read. I thought that was cute. So, I went ahead and said yes.

          Our first dinner date was at a little place close to the beach which is usually my first date restaurant. We talked & ate & laughed. While the dinner went smoothly with each of us asking the questions which we both probably read off of a Google article ‘What to do and what not to do on the first date.” Anyway, we got to know each other a bit while cautiously avoiding the past, focussing on the present while talking about the future. But, the actual pleasant talks began once we left the restaurant. We started walking on this perfect little street; not too crowded & not too lonely. One side was a lane of bungalows with all these trees with flowers on their garden. These pink flowers hung just so perfectly that they were halfway on the street & halfway on the inside of the Bungalow garden making the lane studded with pink flowers & yellow leaves in a beautiful red carpet fashion. While on the other side of the lane there’s just a wall & across that wall, there is the beach playing the Sound of Waves for us.

          Even after being silent for a while, he didn’t ask me whether I was fine or whether there was anything bothering me. Just by looking at me, he knew that I was happy in that moment.

As we walked close to each other, our hands became the first ones to attract each other like magnets. Our hands knowingly and flirtatiously swished & touched until they finally embraced each other. It was the first time we held hands while walking on nature’s colourful carpet while listening to the waves on the other side. Soon, he decided to end the silence and asked me, “What are you thinking right now?” Without second thoughts, I answered, “It is just magical and purely blissful listening to these waves when I cannot even see them. It’s all just a one-minute action. Waves running to the shore, hitting the shore & then going back to the ocean. Then there’s another one & then another & that just continues like clockwork. What really intrigues me is the moment between the waves. The time when one wave has just reached the shore & the other one is on its way. There’s the anticipation of the new wave settling in and the happiness of the earlier wave right at the surface. I think that peaceful moment in-between is just precious. It’s like I can live in that peace my entire life. It’s like that one-minute moment of peace & solitude could last forever.”

He was the kind of guy who wouldn’t interrupt me when I was saying something with so much dreams in my eyes. I didn’t need to talk quickly in order to finish everything I had to say. I took pauses where required, I stressed on the words that needed to be stressed on. I talked about the magic of waves like I have some magic in myself & everything around me. He listened silently & he imagined everything I said. He didn’t listen to come back with a wittier response. He listened to actually understand me. So, I smiled at him after telling him what was on my mind & asked him what was on his. And somehow, even though I had begun with no expectations, he opened up too.

He said, “I suppose what waves are to you, time is to me. You see how wonderfully & also chaotically time works? We have been walking for about 25 minutes & yet it seems like only 5 minutes have gone by. I suppose when we are with someone we like time goes on quickly as every moment matters. When we are with someone we like, time seems to stop still while actually it goes by faster than otherwise. While we kept talking on the way tonight, we felt time stop while we truly unravelled what was on our minds. Isn’t it lovely, like clockwork too?” We again smiled at each other because we both knew this was something else. No first date ends up with both the people having such conversations about their deepest thoughts & wonders.

          By that time, we reached the beach. There was sand beneath our feet, stars above our heads & magic within us. We stood close facing each other. One wave had settled, the other was on its way & time stopped still. We found our one-minute of peace. Our bodies touching each other, us looking deep into each other’s eyes. With the anticipation closing in, so did the distance between us & we kissed. Our first kiss in that perfect moment of peace & standstill of time when we were magic in the middle of it all. It was a first, but it felt like none of the other firsts I ever had. It was truly magic.

Until next time,