When Quotes Understood Better Than Friends. (Monday Moments #97)

          On just another casual Saturday night, she was in her bed, watching marathons of TV shows as she browsed through Pinterest. Nothing sounded more fun to her than doing this. Most people would be out partying, dancing and socialising; but not her. She was fine in her shell, especially after what had happened...

          A few days ago, she had gone to college to take notes for exams. At that time, she met few of her friends. They were planning post-exam parties. They invited her too. It was not her thing but she went anyway because everyone pushed her to come and see the world outside books. Even when her heart was not in it, she couldn't take their taunts and dramas. So, she agreed, just to shut them up. She decided to go with the flow; not knowing that only dead fish go with the flow.

Of course, her exams went well. But, ever since that day she was more nervous about the party than about exams. Parties involved many strangers, loud music, uncomfortable conversations, no food, excess alcohol and everything she was not prepared for. She tried to hang around, talk to people she knew and managed to fake a smile now and again.

          40 minutes in, she went out. She could not take it. That was a sea of people and she was drowning. She could not do it anymore. The anxiety attack would have killed her, literally. She knew she did not need to prove anything to anyone. She knew it would be bad but she thought she might make it. But, she couldn't and that was okay. Instead of drowning and making herself acceptable, she decided to walk out and do something for herself. Instead of pretending to have a social life, she decided to stay happy alone. Those parties are just about meaningless gossip that never make her wonder about the deep secrets of her soul. That kind of social life only establishes around people who back-stab each other while still pretending to be friends. Those clubs are just dingy places where she could never get lost dreaming about her passions. Those friends were not important as she thought they were. Because, friends who don't understand her, have no right to be in her life. Friends who after knowing what she suffers through and don't empathize or care have no right to be in her life. What good are friends if they don't support you in times like these?

And so, when she read an amazing quote on Pinterest, it just made her eternally happy and meaningful to exist. It read:

"Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was up."

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Was It Even Worth It? (Monday Moments #96)

Age 22:

She woke up. Went to her post-graduation convocation. After 17 years of education, she was ready to get a job, start working and earning.

Age 22 to 25:

She got up at 6 AM. Had her coffee and went for a jog. She came back, packed her lunch, had breakfast and left for office by 8 AM. She came back home by 9 PM. By 11 PM, she went to sleep.

Age 30-35:

She got up at 5 AM. Had her coffee and went for a jog with her husband. She came back, packed lunch for her, her husband and her son. She left home by 9 AM. She came back home by 7 PM. By 12 PM, she went to sleep.

Age 40:

She got up at 5 AM. Made coffee and breakfast for her family. Having become a home-maker she was home all day between 9 AM to 6 PM. She cooked, watched TV, read books on parenting and so on. She served her family dinner and went to sleep by 10 PM

Age 50:

She took a look at her life, and thought was it even worth it? Was her life even worth living? She got an education. She had a Ph.D. She was successful at her job. But, she left it for her 3 children and her husband. From being a career-driven woman, she went to becoming a house wife. And for any other woman, it would not be a demotion. It would something they cherished. But, for her, it felt like it was beneath her. Like, she had forgotten the kind of person she used to be.

She wondered whether she did anything worthwhile in her life?

Was it worthwhile to give up on herself for the sake of her family?

Was it worthwhile being loved rather than being successful?

Was it worthwhile to be someone she frowned upon?

Was it worthwhile to sacrifice for others and forget what she wanted from her life?

Was it worthwhile to marry the man she loved and settle down in one place rather than to stay single and travel the world?

Was anything worthwhile at all?

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

Falling Out of Love. (Monday Moments #95)

          She had loved him the most she could. She was there with him through his bad times and good. She crossed fires for him. She helped him through his breakup. She held his hand in his depression. She made him a major portion of her life. And now, after being so in love with him and yet not being together with him, she felt lost. She was fighting a war where she could see herself on both the sides. No matter who won, she was going to lose in the end. And now, after 2 years of that unrequited love, she was falling out of love of him. She was falling out of love with him and that realisation alone gave her a breakdown.

          On the other hand, he always considered her his closest friend. He loved her but he was not ready to be with her. He always took a stand for her. He directed her energy and passion in the right direction and helped her chose a career perfect for her. She was his security blanket and he was her angel. And now, after 2 years, he was ready to be with her post his traumas. He had just started to feel the love for her. He was going to confess his feelings on a planned date, but things never go as planned.

          She met him that day. She said, "I think I'm falling out of love with you. After waiting for so long, now I just don't have any feelings left for you. I love you and I want you in my life but now the definition of love has changed. I'm not going to be the hopeless smitten kitten and wait forever. And now, I don't have to because whatever I felt for you, is all fading away. I waited too long and now I'm moving on. I love you, but I cannot be your second choice anymore. And, I hate that I'm not in love with you anymore. I wish it was different." Then, he said, "I love you."

          They both held each other and cried because time screws everyone. Love is never enough. He was not sad that they failed. He was sad that he failed her.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)

It's Easier to Quit. (Monday Moments #94)

          It was simple to give up than to keep going. It was the easier choice. For an athlete, giving up practice for one day is simpler than going in the field to run for 8 hours. For a financial advisor, skipping one day is easier than going to his office to work for 12 hours. For a writer, giving up on that novel which they have been working on since 2 years is easier than to finish it.

          At any moment in anyone's career, it is easier to give up than to continue. It is easier to stop than to put in effort. But, after all, there is no glory in giving up. There's no thrill of success in the ease of quitting. Sometimes things might seem easier to do but there's no accomplishment in doing that.

          You must keep going even in the lows. The highs will pass by quickly because it will be a good time but the lows will get stretched out because there's no fun in them. The lows will make you want to quit but at that time, it's important to remember why you started. It is always easier to quit but it's of no use.

(‘Monday Moments’ is a blog series wherein I write about an incident or a moment in a short paragraph. It’s not a story, but just a short description to express and explore the most common joys and also the uncommon miseries.)